Of course the first is always favourable against the latter for fear of rebounds resulting in more complex relationships.
The other issue to deal with is the family both your partners and yours. With my break up there was only one person who was really supportive. But even then there were still saying the typical safeguarded words like 'Don't do anything rash.' This is always so easy to say but then again words always are a lot easier...no I take that back, breaking up required words and that was so hard to do. But situations are much more easily criticized when others are looking at it from a rational third party perspective. The only annoying thing about this is that at the time when I made my decision, I was rational but everyone seemed to think I was loose cannon and was just running by my hormones - like I was just attracted to another guy which was why I wanted to break up? That was one of the stupidest things I heard. I suppose looking at it from their perspective it did appear to be like that. But for me, someone who was thinking rationally (despite what outside people thought), the break up had nothing to do with another guy, it just so happened that there was. Anyway, the point of this post isn't the relationship per say but it's supposed to discuss how the hell we're meant to deal with our own family when they all love your partner.
The funny thing was that my brother was extremely heart broken (as much as one can be without being homo) and I couldn't believe that he didn't bother to listen to my part at all. He was basically saying that I was doing something irrational and that I was as bad as his pychotic ex, whose situation was so different to this one. But the point he was making was that I was being selfish. Yeh, in a way I guess I was, I wanted to break up. I wanted to wait until I could see him face to face but when I did it then - would that have been fair?
Current big issue - Friends.
You'd think your best of friends would support you no matter what but it feels like I'm copping shit from all angles. Of course on the outside my whole situation sounds so screwed up - in a relationship within a week. This brings up questions of morality and how much you cared about your first partner etc. But if you're not in the situation, its so easy to judge and criticise. I guess friends are like family - they give you shit and criticise because they're just looking at what the outside people would think about the situation and in a way, don't want you to be condemned like that. Although, it honestly feels like one of my best friends Tina, is not really being understanding and is questioning my values as a person.
When I talk to her, I feel like there's also as much pressure talking to her like there is to my mum and I can't really talk honestly with her because no matter what I say, she's judging and criticising. As a result, I don't really want to talk to her about it and actually regret talking to her about my situation. No matter what I say, I can't justify the situation and even if I wanted to, there is no reason for me to because it might not have been the right thing to do. But honestly, it feels right and I'm being honest with myself.
It's especially pointless when people tell you that what you did was harsh and question how much you care about your ex and I guess, just make you doubt yourself as a person. It's like saying 'I don't like the person you're becoming' without using those words but just saying stuff to make you feel really bad.
That's the other issue about life changing events - people question whether or not you've changed as a person. But they say that even before they meet you after the event and just gather your personality from the facts around the situation...which is really frustrating. I suppose the person who is involved in the situation probably don't think they've changed because I sure don't think I've changed but I guess we'll see when I head back to Australia.
Perhaps it's not even that you've changed as a person but that your true self has come out. Even if that's the case, that's not necessarily a bad thing either. I think I've changed in a way - more mature. Ok, maybe I lie about that but honestly, I do think that this whole experience and my trip overseas has given me more of a direction and a purpose in life. I didn't know what I wanted to do and since I'd graduated, I would have had to find a job but I didn't know what I would have wanted to work as. I've always wanted to find a job that I would love (and that would be opening a business) and I have that luxury of not having to work for money. At the same time, because of this privilege I guess my parents think that I need $X amount of money to be happy...and want me to get a good, safe, steady, stable job even if it's boring as hell.
Sorry, that was me being sidetracked. Back to the issue at hand, friends and family - yes, after being with you for so long, like with relationships, expectations develop which results in criticism and harsh words when those expectations are not met. I think a lot of people were hanging on my first relationship especially after being together for so many years, it seemed like the next natural step was that we would be married. In a way, we were probably the fairytale that everyone wanted. Meeting in high school and being together for so long. Honestly I wanted that too and it would have been great if that happened but what's done is done and what's passed is passed so there is no point in reminiscing.
The parents.
What the hell to do here especially when you know them pretty well? I feel like it's rude not to send an email or something but at the same time, I feel like it's weird if I do. "Sorry I broke your son's heart although he's an awesome guy". It's so awkward. Not to mention his other family members and other extended families who have met you.
In my case, I should be at least grateful that I am not that close with any of his family or friends so the break will be at least semi clean.
Back to the parents issue - what is the right thing to do? I suppose when I get back I will have to meet them and update them on my life but probably won't mention anything about the relationship. Because even though you may not be an 'item' with the guy anymore, you'd think especially after 6 years, you'd still be like family to them and they would care for you and help you out if you needed it. And knowing his parents, I know they'd do just that.
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