LDR - what to do from here

I've saw my boyfriend finally after 5 weeks and in case I didn't mention it, we'd been together officially for only a week even though prior to that, it was ambiguous and always something going on there. And he got to meet my parents *drumroll* because so much has happened with my parents that they even flew overseas to get me back.

My mum was a bit o f bitch (mind my language) and cold so I was very ashamed of her. My boyfriend, let's call him Jeff, he's a great guy and is really so smart and good with parents. He was really understanding of the situation so that made it easier (but still massively awkward). Luckily, my dad is also really understanding and rational and made friendly conversation.

Right now, well, since yesterday, I've been crying so much everytime I think of him. It's not that there's anything wrong with him (omg I'm crying now) but it's the fact that we can't be together right now. I say 'right now' with the meaning of the next couple of months because he will have to go back overseas for work and I have to stay here (yes, mostly because of my parents and because I really have nothing to do and they won't let me do a crappy job overseas).

I want more than anything to be with him and after seeing him yesterday after being apart for so long solidified my feelings for him - I used to think not long ago that I was falling in love but I never thought that before I knew it, I had fallen in love. I know for certain that I am in love with him and it hurts more than anything because of the knowledge of what will happen in a couple of months and the unknown of our relationship. Some long distance do work because they'd already established a base and depending on the type of person they are. Both me and and my partner have a similar need in that we need the person to be physically there. He said to me a couple of weeks ago when I told him that I couldn't come back, that he doesn't long distance because firstly he's the one who always gets owned and also, because I won't be there, he may have to resist temptation and is also worried that I might also fall for someone else. Which is essentially the same thing that both of us will find a need to be with someone who is in the same city. Emotional as well as physical is important in a relationship and we both understand that but that doesn't make it easier.

Right now, I've been listening to a song that sums up this situation perfectly about long distance. And on the one hand it would have been easier if we had stopped or hadn't even started the relationship but on the other, we wouldn't have been able to spend such happy times together. But at the end of the day, we'll still be suffering. In my mind, I do want to be with him and anywhere he goes but I know that this is an ignorant and simplistic want because I also have a future and career of my own that I need to work on. Currently, I keep preparing myself for seperating when he goes back and just thinking about it makes me hurt so much. But at least this way, when it happens, it won't be as bad...I think, I hope. If we seperate from each other on happy terms then at least there is still potential for the future and I honestly see one where we'd both be so happy together. I guess that is why I think I will have to be brave and not do long distance because of the possibility that we may still be together in the future.

Which is the best thing to do for everyone? One argument is that when you find someone who is so perfect for you, you do everything in your power to keep them with you and fight for them and the relationship. This is also a very impractical and fairytale view on love which is what you see in movies as they always dramatize love to be so epic and the only thing that people need. I like to think that way, but the other part of me is also worried about being hurt (I don't understand how that could possibly be more painful than this feeling I have right now). So maybe its better like I said before, to leave on happy terms and sacrifice short term happiness (which isn't really happiness anyway because we can't be together) for the possibility of something more solid. At least this way, there would be no pressure which would otherwise be a big strain on the relationship - both expecting it to work out. Time is the factor that will tell all and it's just a matter of being patient. But if patience was that easy it wouldn't be a virtue.

God, I've never prayed so much for strength for me to let him go at the end and also, with the selfish wish of the possibility that we will be together. I guess time will tell and even though my heart and soul are tearing up into a million pieces, I have to put up a image for my family and him to allay their worries.